BEFORE YOU SIGN THOSE DIVORCE PAPERS...
You are a Christian. You go to church and you read the Bible. Yet, you have somehow reached a point in your relationship with your spouse that you have decided to call it quits. Perhaps your pastor even appears to agree that you have no choice but to get out of the marriage. There are a few things I like to draw your attention to. If you still want to go ahead and dump you spouse after reading this, please leave a comment to explain why.
Let me start by stressing the fact that I perfectly understand that you have come along way and been through a lot of hard times. You are at this point after a long time of enduring emotional turmoil beyond description, and you are thinking: “there’s no way I can go on like this; my life is all messed up; I’ve got to quit and find a way to pick up the pieces.” I know how hard it is for you. Just patiently go through this article, and you will be blessed.
The first thing I like you consider is this statement in Romans 14:12: “So then every one of us shall give account of himself to God.” I want you to imagine yourself giving that account before a holy God. Prepare the case you would present to Him as the explanation for your divorce. Now, consider this: do you think your case can stand against what the Bible really teaches? Note the following:
1. It is clear from Scripture that God’s basic attitude to divorce is seriously negative. In Malachi 2:16, it is written: "I hate divorce," says the LORD God of Israel….” Why should you be involved in what your God hates?
2. Don’t let any new age preacher confuse you with Satan inspired expositions. Jesus was very clear when he said: "Haven't you read the scripture that says that in the beginning the Creator made people male and female? And God said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and unite with his wife, and the two will become one.' So they are no longer two, but one. No human being must separate, then, what God has joined together." The Pharisees asked him, "Why, then, did Moses give the law for a man to hand his wife a divorce notice and send her away?" Jesus answered, "Moses gave you permission to divorce your wives because you are so hard to teach. But it was not like that at the time of creation. I tell you, then, that any man who divorces his wife for any cause other than her unfaithfulness, commits adultery if he marries some other woman." (Matt. 19:4-9).
I can ‘hear’ you think: “this fellow does not know the kind of hell I am going through.” Well, the kind of hell you are going through is a concern for God. Your comfort is very important to Him. However, you character is more important to him than your comfort because His ultimate plan for you is eternity centered, and only a Jesus-like character will get you to the right place in eternity.
How, you may ask, would Jesus handle your own peculiar kind of situation? Well, he was not married, but at a point in his life, he found himself in a spot that was as tough as, or even tougher than yours. This is how he handled it:
Then he went off from them about the distance of a stone's throw and knelt down and prayed. "Father," he said, "if you will, take this cup of suffering away from me. Not my will, however, but your will be done."
An angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him (LK. 22:41-43).
Have you REALLY ever sought and submitted completely to God’s will concerning that situation? Now search your heart very well! Could it be that all you ever focused on was how to get your happiness and comfort back? Are you willing to sacrifice your comfort for the will of God, for your spouse or your kids? Are you willing to do this on a PERMANENT basis? If you sincerely search your heart and find out that you happiness and comfort were the goals that have influenced your decision, you may be off course from the road to heaven! The Christian life is not basically about your comfort! It’s a life of sacrifice! The typical preacher of today (especially in America) will not emphasize this because he wants to fill up the pews and keep the folks happy. However, the faith we read about in the Bible is really about sacrificing all in order to qualify for the greater glory of eternity, trusting God to send supernatural help to strengthen us and give us the joy of the Holy Spirit.
For reasons that are sometimes inexplicable for mortals, some folks do find themselves in some peculiarly tough spots. But being in a tough spot can never be an excuse for offending God. In Heb.12:2-4, some fellows who were in tough spots because of persecutions were encouraged thus:
Let us keep our eyes fixed on Jesus, on whom our faith depends from beginning to end. He did not give up because of the cross! On the contrary, because of the joy that was waiting for him, he thought nothing of the disgrace of dying on the cross, and he is now seated at the right side of God's throne. Think of what he went through; how he put up with so much hatred from sinners! So do not let yourselves become discouraged and give up. For in your struggle against sin you have not yet had to resist to the point of being killed.
The writer of this passage appeared to be insensitive. He appeared to be saying: “well, you are in difficult situations, and you are thinking of quitting when you are supposed to be prepared to die doing what pleases God.” This is a hard saying, but it is the plain truth which anyone who wants to make heaven must embrace!
Read these Bible passages:
• God will bless you for this, if you endure the pain of undeserved suffering because you are conscious of his will. …But if you endure suffering even when you have done right, God will bless you for it. It was to this that God called you, for Christ himself suffered for you and left you an example, so that you would follow in his steps( Pet. 2:19-21).
• Since we are his children, we will possess the blessings he keeps for his people, and we will also possess with Christ what God has kept for him; for if we share Christ's suffering, we will also share his glory (Rom.8:17).
• For you have been given the privilege of serving Christ, not only by believing in him, but also by suffering for him (Phil. 1:29).
• That is why we ourselves boast about you in the churches of God. We boast about the way you continue to endure and believe through all the persecutions and sufferings you are experiencing. All of this proves that God's judgment is just and as a result you will become worthy of his Kingdom, for which you are suffering. (2 Thes. 1:4-5 )
• But you must keep control of yourself in all circumstances; endure suffering …and perform your whole duty as a servant of God (2 Tim. 4:5).
I want you to also remember that you are about to quit because you are giving up on God’s ability to change your situation. This stance gets God angry as we see very clearly in Heb.10:36-38, where scripture says: “You need to be patient, in order to do the will of God and receive what he promises. For, as the scripture says, ‘Just a little while longer, and he who is coming will come; he will not delay. My righteous people, however, will believe and live; but if any of them turns back, I will not be pleased.’
Yes! He will not be pleased. In view of this, I encourage you not to embarrass the church of God. Don’t join the millions that are disgracing the kingdom. Give God the chance to prove himself. Remember that as a matter of fact if you had allowed God’s way from the scratch (I mean your choice of partner and/or the principles that governed your relationship), there is no way things would turn out like this. NO WAY! Human rights principles and self will probably played a strong role in your relationship. But God says men should love their wife unconditionally, and that women should be in total submission to their husbands. (The latter is now unacceptable to most women in the west; it does not seem to tally with their idea of equality. This is a major reason why the western churches and society at large lead the world in divorce). WHY NOT SURRENDER THIS THING TO BIBLE BASED PRINCIPLES AND WATCH GOD DO HIS THING!
I will not deceive you by pretending that I can predict exactly if, how, or when God will solve your marital problems, but note this: it is important for you to adopt the attitude of the three Hebrew guys who were thrown into fire. Hear them when they were told they would be roasted for not bowing to the image of the king:
If the God whom we serve is able to save us from the blazing furnace and from your power, then he will. But even if he doesn't, Your Majesty may be sure that we will not worship your god, and we will not bow down to the gold statue that you have set up." (Dan.3:17-18).
A time comes when we must insist on what pleases God even if for some reasons He chooses not to do what we yearn for. I can only assure you that in most cases, God will show up if we wait patiently for him.
Let me start by stressing the fact that I perfectly understand that you have come along way and been through a lot of hard times. You are at this point after a long time of enduring emotional turmoil beyond description, and you are thinking: “there’s no way I can go on like this; my life is all messed up; I’ve got to quit and find a way to pick up the pieces.” I know how hard it is for you. Just patiently go through this article, and you will be blessed.
The first thing I like you consider is this statement in Romans 14:12: “So then every one of us shall give account of himself to God.” I want you to imagine yourself giving that account before a holy God. Prepare the case you would present to Him as the explanation for your divorce. Now, consider this: do you think your case can stand against what the Bible really teaches? Note the following:
1. It is clear from Scripture that God’s basic attitude to divorce is seriously negative. In Malachi 2:16, it is written: "I hate divorce," says the LORD God of Israel….” Why should you be involved in what your God hates?
2. Don’t let any new age preacher confuse you with Satan inspired expositions. Jesus was very clear when he said: "Haven't you read the scripture that says that in the beginning the Creator made people male and female? And God said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and unite with his wife, and the two will become one.' So they are no longer two, but one. No human being must separate, then, what God has joined together." The Pharisees asked him, "Why, then, did Moses give the law for a man to hand his wife a divorce notice and send her away?" Jesus answered, "Moses gave you permission to divorce your wives because you are so hard to teach. But it was not like that at the time of creation. I tell you, then, that any man who divorces his wife for any cause other than her unfaithfulness, commits adultery if he marries some other woman." (Matt. 19:4-9).
I can ‘hear’ you think: “this fellow does not know the kind of hell I am going through.” Well, the kind of hell you are going through is a concern for God. Your comfort is very important to Him. However, you character is more important to him than your comfort because His ultimate plan for you is eternity centered, and only a Jesus-like character will get you to the right place in eternity.
How, you may ask, would Jesus handle your own peculiar kind of situation? Well, he was not married, but at a point in his life, he found himself in a spot that was as tough as, or even tougher than yours. This is how he handled it:
Then he went off from them about the distance of a stone's throw and knelt down and prayed. "Father," he said, "if you will, take this cup of suffering away from me. Not my will, however, but your will be done."
An angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him (LK. 22:41-43).
Have you REALLY ever sought and submitted completely to God’s will concerning that situation? Now search your heart very well! Could it be that all you ever focused on was how to get your happiness and comfort back? Are you willing to sacrifice your comfort for the will of God, for your spouse or your kids? Are you willing to do this on a PERMANENT basis? If you sincerely search your heart and find out that you happiness and comfort were the goals that have influenced your decision, you may be off course from the road to heaven! The Christian life is not basically about your comfort! It’s a life of sacrifice! The typical preacher of today (especially in America) will not emphasize this because he wants to fill up the pews and keep the folks happy. However, the faith we read about in the Bible is really about sacrificing all in order to qualify for the greater glory of eternity, trusting God to send supernatural help to strengthen us and give us the joy of the Holy Spirit.
For reasons that are sometimes inexplicable for mortals, some folks do find themselves in some peculiarly tough spots. But being in a tough spot can never be an excuse for offending God. In Heb.12:2-4, some fellows who were in tough spots because of persecutions were encouraged thus:
Let us keep our eyes fixed on Jesus, on whom our faith depends from beginning to end. He did not give up because of the cross! On the contrary, because of the joy that was waiting for him, he thought nothing of the disgrace of dying on the cross, and he is now seated at the right side of God's throne. Think of what he went through; how he put up with so much hatred from sinners! So do not let yourselves become discouraged and give up. For in your struggle against sin you have not yet had to resist to the point of being killed.
The writer of this passage appeared to be insensitive. He appeared to be saying: “well, you are in difficult situations, and you are thinking of quitting when you are supposed to be prepared to die doing what pleases God.” This is a hard saying, but it is the plain truth which anyone who wants to make heaven must embrace!
Read these Bible passages:
• God will bless you for this, if you endure the pain of undeserved suffering because you are conscious of his will. …But if you endure suffering even when you have done right, God will bless you for it. It was to this that God called you, for Christ himself suffered for you and left you an example, so that you would follow in his steps( Pet. 2:19-21).
• Since we are his children, we will possess the blessings he keeps for his people, and we will also possess with Christ what God has kept for him; for if we share Christ's suffering, we will also share his glory (Rom.8:17).
• For you have been given the privilege of serving Christ, not only by believing in him, but also by suffering for him (Phil. 1:29).
• That is why we ourselves boast about you in the churches of God. We boast about the way you continue to endure and believe through all the persecutions and sufferings you are experiencing. All of this proves that God's judgment is just and as a result you will become worthy of his Kingdom, for which you are suffering. (2 Thes. 1:4-5 )
• But you must keep control of yourself in all circumstances; endure suffering …and perform your whole duty as a servant of God (2 Tim. 4:5).
I want you to also remember that you are about to quit because you are giving up on God’s ability to change your situation. This stance gets God angry as we see very clearly in Heb.10:36-38, where scripture says: “You need to be patient, in order to do the will of God and receive what he promises. For, as the scripture says, ‘Just a little while longer, and he who is coming will come; he will not delay. My righteous people, however, will believe and live; but if any of them turns back, I will not be pleased.’
Yes! He will not be pleased. In view of this, I encourage you not to embarrass the church of God. Don’t join the millions that are disgracing the kingdom. Give God the chance to prove himself. Remember that as a matter of fact if you had allowed God’s way from the scratch (I mean your choice of partner and/or the principles that governed your relationship), there is no way things would turn out like this. NO WAY! Human rights principles and self will probably played a strong role in your relationship. But God says men should love their wife unconditionally, and that women should be in total submission to their husbands. (The latter is now unacceptable to most women in the west; it does not seem to tally with their idea of equality. This is a major reason why the western churches and society at large lead the world in divorce). WHY NOT SURRENDER THIS THING TO BIBLE BASED PRINCIPLES AND WATCH GOD DO HIS THING!
I will not deceive you by pretending that I can predict exactly if, how, or when God will solve your marital problems, but note this: it is important for you to adopt the attitude of the three Hebrew guys who were thrown into fire. Hear them when they were told they would be roasted for not bowing to the image of the king:
If the God whom we serve is able to save us from the blazing furnace and from your power, then he will. But even if he doesn't, Your Majesty may be sure that we will not worship your god, and we will not bow down to the gold statue that you have set up." (Dan.3:17-18).
A time comes when we must insist on what pleases God even if for some reasons He chooses not to do what we yearn for. I can only assure you that in most cases, God will show up if we wait patiently for him.
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